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Online Dating: Be Safe, Not Sorry
By Leigh Culpepper

A girlfriend and I were chatting at a café when a woman sitting alone turned to talk to us. "I'm going on a blind date tonight," she confided nervously. She was a bit anxious about the upcoming date, she divulged, because it hadn't been set up by friends or family. Instead, she was getting together with a man she had just "met" through an online dating service. Like many singles working long hours, she had decided to try this new, time-saving way of meeting potential partners.


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The Internet has opened up a brand-new era of dating, one in which people can meet online and arrange an in-person get-together that same evening. This is not a blind date arranged by mutual friends, and it's not your mother's bridge partner's son. This is a total stranger! And yet hundreds of thousands of people are meeting potential dates--and in some cases, mates--this way.

While most computer-arranged dates turn out to be perfectly safe, there are certain precautions anyone should take if they're planning to date someone they've met over the Internet. The word "he" is used to refer to the potential date, both for convenience and because females suffer rape or sexual assault at a rate 14 times greater than males, according to the FBI. However, the following tips apply to both men and women.
  • Tell someone else where you are going and what time you expect to be back. You might even arrange for a friend to check on you during the date, either by phone or by dropping by the date site.
  • Always meet in public, preferably during the day.
  • Try to meet in a group with other people you know. There's safety in numbers.
  • Meet in a spot familiar to you. It could be a place where you know the owner or might see other people you know.
  • Ask the person to describe his appearance. When you meet, assess how close the description is to actual appearance. If a date has lied about what he looks like, beware. Lying of any sort should be a warning bell. (Hint: Give the date's physical description and other facts about him to a few friends, just in case.)
  • Don't get in his car.
  • Don't tell him where you live.
  • Follow your instincts. If something seems wrong, it probably is.
  • Bring a cell phone or change for a pay phone. Notice where the phones are located.
  • Consider the following to be warning signs:
    • He propositions you right away.
    • He doesn't listen to what you say.
    • He wants to meet in a bar or an isolated location. (Try to avoid alcohol on this first meeting. If you do go to a bar, limit the amount you drink.)
 
Voices of Experience…
Comments and Advice

A busy professional woman who has been on frequent online-arranged dates enjoys meeting men through the Internet and finds that overall this has been a pleasant experience for her. She says, "I was surprised to find so many kind people willing to stick their neck out, make a genuine effort and take a chance on establishing a connection."

She offers this safety advice for women: "My plan was always to meet at a very public place. Women might even consider what I did. When scheduling a meeting with a "potential" I asked friends to stop by the place we were going to meet. The guy didn't know my friends and had no idea I had a 'lookout'. I spend quite a bit of time getting to know the person before we meet."

*  *  *  *

A man who met his fiancé online explains, "When you meet someone online they can lie about who they are. Often people send you photos of themselves--but taken 20 years ago. It's like, 'Hello, where did your hair go?!'

"I had a great time meeting women online. There are tons of them, they're all good looking, and they're all smart. I dated a female surgeon, a judge--these are very talented and busy people. Some of the women I met told me of unpleasant and even harmful experiences with previous online dates. They kept dating online, however. It just made them more careful in the future.

"Even if you pay a service fee for these online dating companies that 'prescreen' participants, be careful. The applicants can and do lie in the prescreening. Keep in mind you're seeing sizzle, not steak. There's no way of knowing if he is who he says he is. Women definitely shouldn't give out their phone numbers."
 
BeyondWork Easy Extras
  Online Dating Sites

    These sites are recommended by people interviewed for this article.
  • MatchMaker Matchmaker has over 4.8 million registered members with more than 40,000 new members joining weekly. The current members exchange over 2.4 million letters per week.
  • Yahoo Personals Submit and review personal ads on this free service, which can send an email alert when ad responses come in. The site also offers dating tips.
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